Numb

She wanted to become numb to all of it.

Not wanting to hear that she had the time or that it would happen one day.

Especially not from the one that she couldn’t have.

She wanted to drown her broken heart into her work,

And her other passions.

Feeling so consumed with her dreams and goals that everything falls to the side.

Nothing will be able to penetrate her again.

Not even for the ones she was intimate with.

She would block it all, tunnel vision,

To focus on nothing more than work.

It was made clear to her that this shit just won’t work

No more trying to prove that she was sorry and that she wanted to grow.

No more waiting around for him to get the picture and step up.

No more thinking she was claimed for.

No more in between or we need some space.

If there ever was a chance for romance, or

A happy ending, or a chance to reconcile,

She was no longer interested.

She was no longer wanting to be in a relationship or

Craving to have anyone in her bed.

She could care less about building a family or a touch from another.

She no longer cared to share space with another human being outside the ones she birthed.

She was beyond content with her toys she invested in

And her empire she was building alone.

Not wanting anyone to ride this journey with her

Like she had longed for in the past when her heart was naive and

Thought love was glitter and gold.

As if needing it to breathe.

She was past that; she was past the wanting and pleas.

Now she saw love as a bitter waste of time.

It failed!

Money, God, and dreams,

Were the only things real.

The only things that she had her heart on fire for

Fuck a men

Fuck trying to make them a part of the pie.

She would thrive to become more, strive harder to become more independent

Not just financially but mentally, emotionally and physically.

She would want nothing more than to just be LEFT ALONE.

No love lost, she is just tired of waiting.

Tired of waiting for you to catch on.

Misconceptions

From a “hello” to a “love you”

The moments in between were for grooming

Into what you thought needed molding

Deception on the mind and heart

Whirling lies into truths

Creating your world surrounded by you

Despite what other human feelings surround you

Your web of lies only to benefit you and trample those you

Call out to for love, attention, affection, as though you lack something internally

So are we supposed to only live our lives according to your will?

The devil is a liar if you thought I’d adhere

I want no parts of your surrounding entourage

My heart of joy has the same tone as sorrows

Discovering you were a magician creating illusions

Watch as your magic mirrors reveal the undeniable truths

And your deceptions fall like towers

Leaving you to think was it all worth it?