I’m Fighting My Demons

I am fighting the demons that prevent me from loving you.
I’ m not sure why my heart won’t allow you to penetrate.
But it has blocked you from entering, a hollow feeling when I part my lips to say I love you.
No access granted.

So you wait outside of my heart battling with my mind’s conflicts that tells my heart:

Is it too soon? It says.
Are we moving too fast? It claims.
Why does he want to be with you so bad?
And what are his alternative motives?

My mind questions my heart to think before I love; think before I fall.
In limbo with all my emotions, it leaves you to decide if I am worth it and being honest and open.

My love rains down and creates oceans but for you, I dry up like a desert.
Unable to do the water dance that calls for my love rain and shower upon you.
So you tell me to choose.
But I told you I didn’t have a flowing faucet.
Despite my characteristics; I told you that my demons are resilient and bound me from loving, bound me from moving on.
I struggle to love you, I struggle to love.

How long will he wait?
How long will he be of some support?
If I don’t fix my problems now when will I resolve them?

A never ending cycle of failed loves.
The hamster wheel I am trying hard to come out of.

Will you stay while I correct my wrongs?
Will you stand by me in the battle of love?

O I’m not saying you have to stick around for long
Just want you to teach me how to love…. ❤